Living in a site that attracts tourists from around the world, I’ve met quite a few travelers passing through on their individual journey’s from here to there. After a while they mostly seem to fade together slipping through space in just a flash; however, every once in a while I may somehow bump lives with one for a moment – at least long enough to exchange a few words. Some are on excursions as if on a mission to witness as much of the world as they can, sucking the sites through the lens of their cameras, leaving just as quick as they came. Others are adventurers who trek through, soaking in the surroundings, attempting to dive into the culture and their surroundings. And others… are wanderers. Wanderers in which somehow a certain flame within them has been blown out leaving them with the sole craving to light it up again.
Traveling does give a certain fulfilling sensation, for sure. Taking in the new sites, learning new things about the world, and being warmly greeted by interested people noticing the bulge in your wallet. Although exciting, this adrenaline wave does not stay forever- only lasting until the wanderer gets their next fix in the town 420km away. Traveling serves for temporary escape for many people- leaving their current lives for the sake of fleeing, leaving their current lives in search for something else. I cannot even count the number of wanderers I have spoken to this last year of people traveling through, on a journey to leave something or find something. Many people’s flames have been blown out or dimmed and they are looking to light it back up again.
(I always wonder if they eventually do find what they were looking for or if they gained a better perspective to view their reality… or do they stay in a similar state of discontent?)
I’m starting to believe that maybe there’s a bit of wanderers in each of us. Maybe we all have some sort of hole or empty space that has formed somewhere along our journey. Especially in today’s world where many people do not simply take up the same professions or social roles as the parents. It leaves us with much more room for the unknown, for searching, for wandering. Many times we flounder around a bit until we trip upon something.
I hope so much that I my flame stays lit til the moment I die. And if it dims, may I find a way to stoke it up again, with just as much heat as before.
Lately I have been feeling a bit weathered, even jaded to many things. I am not sure what has caused it or when it will end… but it is real. Some say it is so exciting to live in another country, to be independent, to work in something that is really doing Good in the world. Yes, it is; however, it just becomes normal after a while. The new things that used to be so exciting are just a regular part of life. Somewhere along the line I quit jumping out of bed at the crack of dawn. Somewhere along the line I found myself slightly dispassionate, disconnected, and dry. The daily trials of work and living in a developing country and handling situations with people who often are rather apathetic… I sometimes feel like a pair of old sneakers- worn by the daily grind.
I know I chose this path. It’s not that I want to go back or stop doing what I’m doing (because overall I am pretty content), but I want to figure out how to stop the jadedness and how to find the raw passion once again. It just doesn’t feel right when I’m not puppy Caitlin!